A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse one breaks the spirit.”

(Proverbs 15:4)

My 90-year-old mother-in-law means well. Perhaps she thinks she is showing compassion when she tells me, “Ay, pobrecita” when she sees that I am tired when I get home from work. After hearing the phrase from her more than a dozen times I recognized the weight of the word. I offered her an alternative word — Bendecida.

Pobrecita. Bendecida. Two words. Poor little thing. Blessed.

Pobrecita, while well intentioned, weighs you down. Bendecida lifts you up; gives glory to God.

Our conversation reminded her that as a mother of five she too heard those words years ago when her children were young and she visited her family in Corpus Christi. Having traveled with all five of them on a bus, her sister would comment, “Ay, pobrecita”. My mother-in-law said each time she heard those words, she countered that she did not think her children a burden, she saw them as a blessing, even with the work required to tend to each of them.

Pope Francis in his remarks before the Angelus on Feb. 27 at St. Peter’s Square spoke about how in the Gospel that day, “Jesus invites us to reflect on the way we look and the way we speak. Our gaze and our speech.”

Reflecting on our speech, Pope Francis notes, “From the way a person speaks, you can tell straight away what is in their heart. The words we use say who we are. At times, though, we pay scarce attention to our words and we use them superficially. But words carry weight.”

“Let us ask ourselves what type of words we use: words that express care, respect, understanding, closeness, compassion, or words that aim mainly to make us look good in front of others? And then, do we speak mildly or do we pollute the world by spreading venom: criticizing, complaining, feeding widespread aggression?”

Lera Boroditsky, a professor of cognitive science at the University of California San Diego, addressed the power of words in a TEDWomen 2017 talk titled, “How the language that you speak shapes the way that you think.”

In an article she wrote for Scientific American. She notes, “The way we think influences the way we speak, but the influence also goes the other way. … Studies have shown that changing how people talk changes how they think.”

Think for a minute about words we have heard and words we have spoken.

In the morning, instead of saying, “Oh, my, I am dreading all my to do’s today,” you can begin with prayer, “Lord help me today, give me direction and strength to carry out each task for your greater glory.”

Think of the difference between saying, “I have to go to work,” versus “I get to go to work.”

What about the words we use in our own families. Do we use words that edify and motivate or words that handicap and leave scars?

Dr. Ricardo Castañon Gomez, a clinical psychologist who specializes in brain biochemistry and who has participated in studies of Eucharistic miracles, speaks throughout the world about the power of words and how they impact the brain.

In his talk last year for Evangelio Publico, “El impacto de la palabra en el cerebro” (The impact of the word on the brain), he said words can be like a scalpel, our words can wound.

“You are not going to allow someone to come at you with a razor and cut your skin because that would hurt you,” he said, “but sometimes we allow ourselves to say things that pierce our brain and form neural imprints.” He notes that while an apology may be offered the next day for what was said, the problem is not resolved because the neural imprint has already been made. In fact, remembering the words can feel like you are hearing them all over again.

Each encounter with another can create a pleasant experience or a negative one. Depending on the circumstances our body will react and produce a chemical discharge from the brain.

A pleasant experience will produce dopamine which is often referred to as “happy hormones,” and serotonin, which is also involved with mood and emotions. However, a negative or insulting word activates the amygdala in the brain which processes emotions like fear and anger.

Dr. Castañon Gomez offers that we need to be people who carry beautiful words, constructive words. The world needs this, he said.

How unfortunate that we see social media and other digital platforms flooded with words meant to wound. Sometimes people don’t even recognize how their words impact another. Rather than speaking person to person with purity of intention aimed at understanding one another, comments are shot out into the world like bullets.

We’ve heard the saying, “Think before you speak.” Think too of your intention. When we speak, or type a message, let us be charitable with our words.

As Pope Francis said, “Words carry weight: they can enable us to express thoughts and feelings, to give voice to the fears we have and the plans we intend to realize, to bless God and others. Unfortunately, however, through our tongue we can also feed prejudices, raise barriers, attack and even destroy.”

“Let our communication be a balm which relieves pain and a fine wine which gladdens hearts.” (Pope Francis, message for 48th World Communications Day.)

How are your words bringing light into your family, your community, the world? What negative words can you eliminate? Are there ways you can be less critical with your words to another? What is the condition of your heart? Your words are sure to reveal it.